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Overcoming Your Depression: Reasons to stay alive


I had depression from a very young age. It was something that seemed all consuming and most of my time was spent thinking about it, and thinking about what could happen for me. I had become so fixated on my depression that the only eventual outcome for me was to kill myself, something that prior I had thought would never happen.

When I was 15, I went to see a talk with an author who had spoken a lot about depression and mental illnesses in his book 'notes on a nervous planet' and explained how it had been a gateway into actually talking about what he was going through and eventually, if not completely, becoming a lot better. That talk had been the thing that made me get out of my seat and go buy the book he had written previously (notes on a nervous planet being an almost sequel) 'reasons to stay alive'. In that book he wrote his past experiences and various thoughts he had had through the process of getting through the pain that his mental health had brought him. each page was full of experiences that had triggered his anxiety or experiences that had helped him with his depression.

I finished it in one night.

Matt Haig (the author of both said books) actually knew what it was like to have these mental illnesses plaguing you every day and night. He actually understood what so many other books and films and TV shows had failed to do. He managed to relate. And for me, a small-ish, English girl who had otherwise believed that she was all alone had finally managed to connect with someone, or something in this case. A book.

I remember telling my best friend about this book, even reading her a small passage from it, and I could tell that she could relate to it as well. In fact, only a few days later, she had decided to create this website, so that other people would feel as if they were understood. It was something fantastic, something that she had created, quickly making more and more social media platforms, not to get her own recognition, but to help people recognise themselves.

And so, we move on to the prime focus of this post. Inspired by nights me and her were crying over what was to come and making tiny pinky promises that we would not kill ourselves and of course, the very title of my favourite book in the world..

Reasons to stay alive:

-There will always be someone out there that loves you. I know that this is something that is commonly said but I'm here to tell you that it is completely true nonetheless. An old friend from school, a new friend from school, your family, your teachers, people over the internet that saw you comment on something and though it was funny, a waitress that you were nice to even though the people around you were not, even a stranger that was having a horrible day and you smiled at them whilst shopping for avocados. There are so many people than you think, and you should always remember that if you go, you will always be missed.

-The smell after it rains and you're walking on cobblestones and the old puddles sort of wash over the stones to make it look shiny and new.

-Your favourite band will release a new album, your favourite TV show will have a new season, your favourite author will write a new book. It may not be all of them, but at least one of them will happen, and you'll need to be there to see it for yourself.

-Whenever someone mentions the idea of going back in time, it is met with frantic worries of 'but if you even so much as step on a butterfly, the entire structure of the world as we know it can change!'. Yet people still believe that the things they do now have no impact on the future. You could be changing the world on a huge scale right now, or a little one. Whatever you do, you are changing a life and that is good.

-Think of all the things you can do! Imagine one day you could be sitting on the sofa and decide to travel the world, write a book, pick up biking, go vegetarian, try new things, try old things and realise that you still love them, eat a lychee, walk on the beach. Your life can change every minute and nothing is set in stone. Stand up and walk somewhere, look at the buildings, the cracks in the pavement, and remember that everything can change.

-Eating spaghetti on a fire escape when the sky looks like a spillage of oil, filling in the cracks and glistening like stars.

-Going to the beach at sunlight and eating pizza.

-Watching old music videos from the 2000s and hiding under a blanket whilst Britney is playing.

-Sitting on a bench by a large lake and watching geese swarm the edges of the bank, scrapping for clumps of bread that you keep on throwing to them.

-Watching your favourite film on the sofa with your best friend or family and fighting for who gets the blanket, and then just all sharing it, each with everybody getting only a corner.

-Stepping off a plane in a hot country and feeling a blast of warm air greet you and encase you until you can smell dust and your feet are grateful for a walk and everything seems so relaxed and good.

-Going through old photos of your family and their friends and old photos of you and holding them close.

-The experiences you can have, the stories you can tell, the friends you can make. Everything is still out there waiting for you. What you are experiencing right now may feel like the worst thing in the world but it's important to know that it will pass. Everything is temporary except for what you believe is good. Remember the times you are happy, define yourself with them and remember..

there is no such thing as a small reason not to kill yourself.

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